"Space Between Us"

This is an achingly sad song; two lovers split, one heading north of Albuquerque, the other south.  It sounds as though the singer is hoping the "space between us" will be impermanent, but the reality seems less hopeful when he says:

I've been here it's so familiar, Close the book I know the end
Want so much a different story, Want so much a different way

It sounds like despite his desperate desire to keep their relationship together, he knows it probably won't.  

 

It isn't exactly clear why the relationship has fallen to pieces, but one line always hits me hard:

 

Open my door the cupboard's bare

It's hard to give when nothing's there

 

I am blessed to be in a relationship that is very full, of both hope and joy.  Yet that feeling of how hard it is to give when nothing's there is very familiar to me.  When I run myself into the ground, going, going, going- I might imagine that I am filling up my life- but what I realize later, is that I am usually using up every resource I have available until there are none left.  I work as a caregiver, and I am going to school for counseling- to be a "professional helper".  Clearly, I want to be able to give of myself.  But there are days I come home and feel too tired to even respond to a friend's email, or to call someone on their birthday.  I have zapped my giving potential, by giving it all away without replenishing it.

 

So my project- the project of my life I suppose- is to balance giving to myself and to others- so that I am best able to do both.  This semester that project means working a lot less.  I very consciously refused to work on Fridays, even though I technically have them open and turning down work is a massive internal struggle for me.  This past Friday, I got up early, went to the gym, meditated for 20 minutes, and finished all my homework by 2 pm.  As I lounged on my couch, reading a novel, I had a sudden moment, a flash, of pure joy.  The recognition that this is how I want to be: Relaxed and overflowing with energy to share with others.  I can only get to that place by giving to myself first.